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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being filmed, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip here or there would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their bond?